Today could have been the day everybody was laughing, instead, I just sit here and cry

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7

This quote from the Bible kills me a little on the inside whenever I chance upon it.

Has it really been a year? I remember everyone celebrating the first day of the Lunar New Year when I was weeping my heart out.

I remember the arduous and cold night spent in the hospital, the nervous handholding and praying, the flatline on the ECG, the sound of family wailing, the white sheets surrounding the void deck, the 5 days where I barely slept, the pastors leading prayers, the hymn singing, the cold metal portable loo, the abundance of flower wreaths, the taking of turns to read out our eulogies, the hugging of friends and family, the hoards of people saying their final goodbyes, the long journey to the crematorium, yet more sounds of people wailing, the final funeral service at the service hall, the arrangement of flowers on the coffin, the mechanic carrier transporting the coffin into the flames, the burning smell in the air, the collection of ashes, the placement of the urn into the church's columbarium, everything.

And these flashbacks, they'll haunt me for life.

Trying to get high, I can't deny, the world thinks you're left behind in solitude

Here, I'll tell you what sparks joy, an innumerable amount of things.

But here's one of my most recent encounters with joy, just about 20 mins ago.

There's this thing, this tidy little tool called Spotify, and oh gosh, do I love it, to find new music and rediscover tunes.

Thanks to its trusty algorithm, I'm reunited with a band that I've been following close to 8 years (they're actually 15 years of age currently), Airiel. They have recently released a new album in 2017 and I'm re-starstruck.

Their first song that blessed my ears 8 years ago was In Your Room, and boy, if only I could fathom words to describe the track, ethereal??? Or how about ethereal x10000 times.

I never knew a song could be that long (9:26 mins), and that it could invoke so many emotions.

I kept replaying the song as an emo-ass kid, because I was crazily infatuated with this boy from my CCA.

He made everything seem like a fairytale, there was once when a girl got seriously injured when she was playing catching with her friends - basically, the window pane from the ground floor staircase broke and cut her hand deep, and as first aiders, we had to rush to help. He grabbed my hand, and we ran all the way from the St John's room to the scene of the accident. I didn't even know why my heart was buzzing rapidly - was it from the seriousness of the first aid disaster or from the adrenaline that shot through my bloodstream when we were running while locking hands?

After that, we flirted back and forth during trainings, we went on dates, spent hours at the arcade & cinema, we even performed in an annual dinner whereby we were the main stars of a love skit.

We would text till late at night, and he would handwrite love letters to pass to me during lessons and CCA.

And then the inevitable happened, he lost feelings and started chasing one of my juniors. All hell broke loose cause heartbreak seemed so foreign until that very moment.

The worst feeling that I had experienced in that year was when I saw them on a date at McDonalds, him looking at me and then quickly avoiding my eyes.

But this song, amongst many other songs, got me through the experience, and it also broke way to me falling in love with many other tracks by Airiel.

Looking back, I can't help but laugh at my pubescent self for being so naive, and also really glad that YouTube recommended me that song when I felt like my insides were being crushed like paper.

even when it's rainy all you ever do is shine

Throwback to exactly a year ago, happy Valentine's, n00b

Halfway round the world lies the one thing that you want

I wish life would be like this, in the long haul.

Being halfway round the world has taught me a multitude of things.

For instance, the value of money:

Back when I was in SG, I used to eat out around 4-5 times a week, without having the aptitude to control my expenses.

Right here in the UK, eating out costs a lot more (picture the strengthening Great Britain Pound against the weakening Singapore Dollar), so I tend to avoid doing so unless it's a lazy night or if we're heading out for drinks after.

But then again, the groceries here are slightly cheaper, so it makes a lot of sense to cook, which is what I do on the regular.

Another cost disparity between the UK and SG is the cost of flights in general, and I'm referring to those offered by budget airlines.

Ryanair has got to be the best thing ever, I've flown with them twice, and in the weeks ahead, I'm gonna fly with them another 7 more times. I have 2 more scheduled flights with Norwegian Air & Wizz Air.

Let's take an example for comparison, if I were to search for the cheapest return tickets from Singapore to Bangkok for April, Skyscanner will give me a result of a Scoot (to) and Air Asia (fro) flight at SGD$144 (£77). Whereas if I were to search Edinburgh to Everywhere, I am able to get a return flight to Eindhoven, Netherlands or Dublin, Ireland for the price of £31.

You get the picture. Airport taxes aren't that steep in Europe so many low-cost carriers are able to offer really good deals to consumers.

And that means I should maximise my stay here by planning as many trips as possible, because it would be an impossible feat for me to enjoy such good rates again when I head back.

Everything balances out, the food here is expensive, the flights are cheap, accommodation is steep (I paid $4500 for 5 months of rent, mind you.)

But then again, I feel like I'm a more whole person when I'm here. I don't know how to describe this, but for the past 2 years when I was in Singapore, I felt like I was missing something. But being right here, it's as if the void has been filled, and I've become a more complete version of myself.

This may be the night that my dreams might let me know, all the stars are closer

Just attended a group meeting with some full-time students and realised things are pretty packed here.

I have 2 3000 words essays, a full-fledged business report that requires appendices and interviews, and a case presentation all due on the last week of March.

Downloaded a couple of past-year papers and realised skipping classes for the past weeks has been a mistake oops.

The questions are literally unsmokeable, guess I need to squeeze in a bit of studying amidst the fun and the traveling if I wanna at least get a pass for all my modules...

But still, fun > studies bro, that's the unmistakable tagline that will not be shaken.

So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits

Peculiar fact: the clubs here don't play EDM, but instead pop/rock from decades ago

Just picture the dance floor, flooded with eager youths, jumping with their hands up to the likes of Kings of Leon, Matchbox Twenty, Oasis, Semisonic, The Fray...you get the gist, old school goodies, and singing their hearts out.

I feel revived, amidst the chaos.