memories cut like a knife.

I feel so tempted to unprivate this blog so that the people that I want to share my thoughts with can read them, yet I don't want to share my private feelings and thoughts with the web. Just broke camp about a couple of hours ago, and I'm not sure whether I should considered it good or bad. Good because I got to spend time with people that I love, or bad because the time spent with them were far too little. I know, I know, things change. Every fucking thing will change someday, somehow. Sometimes, I'd feel really bored/stressed/have a lot of drama in a period of time and I would constantly tell myself that things would change and be different. But you know what? After a month, a year, a few years, I'd look back and think, "Hey, it wasn't so bad after all. In fact, I wouldn't mind trading anything in the world to get to relive that moment again." Just like how I wouldn't mind paying thousands of dollars or trading another happy moment for another day as a lower sec student, where we were always bombarded with immature actions and unnecessary drama, or as a primary school kid, where life was simple, listen in class, wait for recess, gulp down some food during recess before heading to the field to play soccer, or going to the back of classrooms to play with beyblade erasers or even gathering with classmates to play Crazy Cups(yes we were all mad about it during P3-P4), or even a Saturday training last year where we would feel so sleepy while memorising FA, or feel demoralised when we get reprimanded by the officers for not doing things right. And this is because I miss the people. I miss my primary school friends, my lower sec class mates, team mates. Heck, even if I get to see them on a daily basis, we all secretly know inside that things have changed, the playing field has changed. We won't ever be that close again. And that was how I felt throughout the camp. Sure, they're there, but wait, they're not the same. we're not as close as before. I know, deep down inside, even though I hate to admit it, that we would all continue to drift apart even further next year, where everyone would embark on different journeys and get to meet new people, and yeah, become hi-bye friends? Oh, reality IS such a bitch. I just want them to all know, that I would always be there, but I know, not all of them will think the same. That's why I couldn't help but shed a tear during CP, that's why my tear glands got activated when we said our goodbyes today and when we hugged and went our separate ways. It just sucks to be me.