Red sky in the morning

It's funny how you feel when you stop crying, if you've been crying with someone else. It's embarrassing of course, but quite comfortable too, in a way. You feel loving, and close together, and empty, too.

Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven

12 hours in the hospital, but we're still going strong.

I don't want you to suffer, we've been in sorrow since the morning because you have been such a wonderful person, a revolutionary figure in our lives, I am forever indebted to you, and knowing that I can never repay you after you pass on makes me want to cry even more. You've suffered enough, and you belong with Jesus and God in Heaven.

I thought I was immune to this, especially when the doctors told us you barely had 3 months left to live. But I guess a part of me was still feigning ignorance, and did not want to accept the fact that you're slowly fading away as the clock ticks.

I just want you to feel loved and leave without pain, and I hope that today has been a shining example of my hopes. It's the eve of the Chinese New Year, but our plans of having a hearty reunion dinner were dashed when the doctor gave us a warning that you were going through your final hours this morning when your BP dipped to a level of an all time low.

There is no reunion dinner, but I felt streaks of homeliness and togetherness even in the hospital because everyone is here. Your immediate family, your brothers and sisters and their families are all here to give you support and to say their prayers. You're bedridden and in a daze, but I hope you were able to hear us all clearly when we held your hands and told you our final goodbyes. Please leave calmly and peacefully without trepidation, because your kids and grandkids are all grown up and are able to take care of themselves. I haven't been the best person, doing things that I've regretted deeply and just being a wreck, but I really hope you'll forgive me for all my wrongdoings and vices.

You'll be able to gaze down on us and protect us, even in the Promised Land. In the meantime, we're all by your side at the hospital with you. You are highly favoured, and no evil shall ever befall you. I love you so much.

Romans 8:31

I tear up each time at the thought of you.

What am I but a feeble human being after all?

It's beyond my capabilities to be your saving grace, your wonderwall.

But I vow to hold your hand the way you'd held mine when I was still a young thing.

I promise to visit you as often as possible, and regale you with stories that took place in the past.

I swear to not lose faith ever, that there's a chance for a miracle, for you to be set free from this suffering.

All this I would do, until the day God decides to call you home to Heaven.

如果那天我...

那么多如果,

可能如果我,

可惜没如果,

只剩下结果...